Today

Maybe it's because I dropped Dallin of for his first day of Kindergarten today.

(no I didn't cry)

Maybe it's because Sam is 4 weeks old today.

(already?! that might make me cry)

Maybe it's because I saw this:

(love it! this did make me cry)

Not sure what it is, but it suddenly struck me while sitting here just how fast everything goes. Life hits warp speed when you have kids. I swear it goes exponentially faster with each kid too. Which would then mean at this point that I am flying.

As I watched that little video above I wondered what I would have held up on my card, and decided it would be something that someone told me years ago. I think it was when I had two or three little kids... They told me "the days are long but the years are short". My initial reaction was "ok?", then I thought they must be crazy, they must never have had babies a year and a half or less apart.

But as is most often the case, as time passed, my perspective changed. The weeks started passing in a blur, even when they involved those days where it seemed that bedtime would never come. I looked back over pictures and startled at how quickly my little kids were becoming not so little kids. I realized that someone was always outgrowing something.

Then you blink and years have passed. Now most days I feel like I'm racing against the clock because it cannot be bedtime already! There is still too much to do!

I want to sit. I want to be. I want to watch my kids play and hold my baby and just stop time for a little while.

I look back and remember how anxious I have been for pregnancies to end, for milestones to arrive, for stages to pass.

But as I look back I also realize how I've grown. I have come to appreciate things I used to wish away. Pregnancy is so amazing, and really is such a short amount of time, and before you know it you miss those little (and not so little) kicks, the hiccups, the beach ball belly....

As I walked back and forth across the rug at the foot of my bed rocking Sam back to sleep at 3:38 yesterday morning I realized that in just an hour our first alarm clock would sound. That after being up every hour (or more frequently) throughout that night, the hope of any real sleep was long gone. But most of all, I realized that that was ok, which was almost refreshing. A little slice of contentment in an otherwise restless night, feeling the warmth of that tiny body in my arms.

Closing my eyes as I held him I could see the past 12 years flying by, and the thought crossed my mind that my days of middle of the night baby care are numbered. It won't be too long before the chance to have those quiet moments with such a perfectly fresh little spirit are in my past.

Hopefully I will enjoy the todays before they are gone.