HBBC Check in. And stuff.

OK. that little novocaine induced angry elf that stopped by yesterday is gone.

Phew!

Not nearly as much pain/tenderness as I expected today, much to my relief.  And I've got to hand it to this new dentist....he just called to check on me, see how I was feeling and how my mouth was fairing.  At 6:30 at night.  I mentioned there was a rough spot where one of the fillings is, he said it's likely just a little extra composite, but if it's annoying to stop by anytime and he'll take care of it.  Two thumbs up dentist.

We got a bunch of snow overnight-woke up to 8 new inches (the kids measured) and it kept snowing for a bit after that, so we ended up with a little more.  Absolutely beautiful!  And it kept the kids thoroughly entertained all day.  My beautifully peaceful untouched snowy front yard (one of my favorite winter things) is no more, since the kids built an igloo there after all the play in the backyard tromped that snow too much.  It may not be picturesque, but it sure is cool.

Also, Sam is sick today, it's hard to be ornery when your baby is so sad looking.  Poor kid is floating around 101* and is just sleepy and miserable....hopefully it leaves quickly.  His sad little whimper of a cry is just, well, sad.

Anyway-
As the title suggests, I'm publicly checking in on this little challenge.  The Holiday Bootie Buster Challenge if you missed that the first time around.  Just a couple more weeks left....time to kick things in to high gear.  I'm nowhere near the level of those who will win, but after a couple of really pathetic weeks, I'm anxious to hit a big number again.  Week 1 was 38 points, week 2 at 27.5-just shy of my goal of 30 points per week.  Then I got that nasty cold.  And so did everyone else.  Then my knee issues decided to peak, plus the performances and parties and all that jazz really cramped my points.  A sad 16.5 in week 3, and a really sad 13 in week 4.
Working to change that this week!  So far I'm at 8 points for today alone (woo-hoo!).  Today is also the first time I have been able to run-at all-in 10 days.  That nasty achey soreness turned into a fully seized knee mid-run on the Friday before last.  Made for an interesting few hours.  I've not ever had a body part just plain stop working on me and be stuck in one position so that was a new experience.   The good news is that I was able to hop off the treadmill without falling.  Thank goodness!  Falling on the treadmill is one of my fears.  Apparently I've watched too much Biggest Loser or something.  I wasn't able to run much today, I hit 1.65 miles when I started getting those shockwave warnings in my knee cluing me in that is was time to stop running NOW, but I was able to walk it off without any pain so that is encouraging.  I also made it through a boot camp class this morning with a mostly cooperative knee.  Reeeeeeally hoping it will continue to do better and I can avoid a dr for whatever this issue is.

The other challenge I signed up for was the Maintain Don't Gain challenge.
Happy to say that it is smooth sailing there too!  Thankfully I'm doing a little better than just maintaining, and actually have dropped a couple of pounds.  Let's see if I can succeed in not regaining them over the next week!  This whole accountability thing works well for me!  The small jeans fitting is a big motivator too!  Don't want those to stop fitting after I've finally made it back to them, and done so faster than after any other babies!

Speaking of dropping a couple of pounds, I was sent a book to review that I am really enjoying.  It's called Cinch!  by Cynthia Sass, and I can't wait to give it all a try-on my guinea pig husband!  He's dying to drop some weight since that whole schoolworkfamilycrazylife thing has caught up to him over the year and he's packed on some pounds.  Great info about healthy eating, and some fabulous recipes too.  Review when I finish the book....and I think we need a giveaway with that review too.  Oh, ok!  Giveaway it will be!  Stay tuned for that, just in time for New Year's resolutions.

And now I'm off to cuddle my sick little guy, while Aaron is out taking his last final of the year!

Happy Tuesday!

I no longer hold the title

Until today I did.
This morning I still planned on holding it.

The title of being the ONLY member of my family (parents and siblings) that hasn't had a root canal.

I went in this morning for a couple of fillings and a crown.

When I say a couple of fillings I mean four.

You remember that post about not loving dental work so much?  Yeah.  Today cemented that even more firmly.

After five shots-FIVE!-to numb me up appropriately, the work began for that stinkin' crown.  After a lot of drilling the dentist turned to me and said, in a sightly worried tone, "uh...did anyone mention the possibility of a root canal?"
Through my numbed mouth I mumbled out a few sentences that he was able to interpret correctly to indicate the fact that I had been alerted to the possibility of a root canal-WAY off in the future.  The reason we were doing the crown was to avoid needing a root canal for now and hopefully for a very long time.
Turns out once he was in there working on the tooth it was worse than they thought.
Lucky me.

Impromptu root canal it was.

My appointment was at 10.  It is now 5pm and my face has almost regained feeling.

I sat in that chair for almost two hours.  After all the garbage for the root canal we moved on to fillings.  One side-the side with the root canal-went fine.  The other side, well, he started drilling.  And I started feeling it.  Um, ouch.
Enter more shots in my mouth.

Seriously, can you tell how much I thoroughly enjoyed this morning?
(please not the extreme sarcasm here)

I have said I would rather give birth than do dental work.  I am not kidding.  My word, I even look better after I give birth than after dental work!  I look like I've been in a stinkin' boxing ring all day.  Seriously. The swelling and I swear my eyes look black...I had to stop at the bank on the way home and as I apologized for my freakish inability to speak clearly due to the dental work, the teller said, "that's no fun...you really should go lie down I think...."

That's encouraging.

I came home and took 3 Ibuprofen and 2 extra strength Tylenol.  If you know how I feel about pills, you know this is serious for me.
At least I am tolerable now.
I hope.

I sincerely hope your Monday morning was more fun than mine.

Swollen, partially numb and hungry, who still hates the dentist.  And the stinkin' elf who wants to be one.

So what does it all mean?

Since we got the news on Sam and I've been practically shouting it from the rooftops, I've had a lot of questions about what that means and what is going on now.
For those of you wondering or wanting more info, hopefully this will help.

The biggest question that I've been asked is if this means he "got better".
Well, not so much.  Holoprosencephaly is not something you get better from.  It's not a sickness that goes away.  HPE is a malformation in the development of the brain.  A baby's brain starts its formation very early on in gestation; it separates into the two lobes when one is about 5 or 6 weeks pregnant.  HPE-the incomplete separation of the two lobes of the brain-happens then, very early on before many women even know they are pregnant.  "Getting better" from HPE would be like being born with a malformed limb and suddenly having it "get better" and be normal.
I know.

So what happened here?  I'm not about to try to explain it.  Were all the different drs who reviewed two different MRIs and multiple ultrasounds wrong after all those months?  Sure that's possible.  Was the HPE really there and somehow now through the miraculous grace of God it's not?  Also possible.  Have I any logical explanation as to any of this?  No.
And I'm totally ok with that.  I don't need one.
The beautiful little boy snoozing on my lap is more than enough for me.
I have had experiences over the past year that can only be described as miracles, and I'm not the least bit ashamed to say that.  God is good.  So very very good.

I have to be honest, I do feel a sense of guilt.  That amongst those who I have connected with over the past months that live in the HPE world and worry over their children each and every day, I should be able to step out of that circle.  Why do we get a reprieve?  Why are they left to face the overwhelming challenges related to this condition and we are not?
It is similar to the sense of guilt that came when Samuel was born alive....when he breathed on his own, ate well, was healthy.....others I met during my pregnancy did not get that happy ending.  One woman who was expecting a baby with the same challenges Sam was diagnosed with was due in February...she lost her little angel girl a couple of weeks ago.  I have no doubt she begged for the same opportunity I did-to have her baby live, to be strong and do well.....why she was not allowed that chance.....it's hard to think about.

So the current diagnosis?  The hydrocephalus of course, which seems to be fairly stable for now.  His head is still big comparative to the rest of him-80th percentile, while the rest of him sits around 25th-but that is pretty consistent, as at two months he was measuring 75th percentile if I remember correctly.  Bigger, but not a huge jump, so that's good.  He is missing his septum pellucidum-and with the location of where that usually is, it may affect hormone production, so there are some concerns there.  Lab work should help us be able to monitor that for the most part.  Biggest concern is immune system function, but so far so good, so we keep our fingers crossed and continue to pray.  The MRI he had in September also added Rhombencephalosynapsis to the list, which is a fusing of the cerebellum.  With this being a fairly rare diagnosis, there isn't much info available out there on that.  So we start the same process we did with the HPE-sending scans off to researchers, searching out others with the RS diagnosis.

Still likely challenges, but so many that we were banking on removed.
Amazing.

My thoughts have been wandering to the experiences of this past year lately, as last week (Dec 14th specifically-yes, I remember these things) marked one year from when we found out we were expecting our little 8 ball.  Ironically on that night this year we were in the exact same place we were when I shared the news with Aaron;  in the office, working, watching old episodes of Friends.  (See??  It ALWAYS comes back to Friends! ha!)

Also, this past week Sam turned 19wks old.  Last time I counted his age in weeks and he hit 19wks, it was the week this all really started.  19 weeks pregnant.  The first perinatology appointment.  The amniocentesis.  The ultrasound pictures of that little head filled with a black void, fluid invading all the space that should have been brain tissue....that tissue compressed into a thin line around the inside of his skull.  The grim prognosis.  The offer to terminate "the pregnancy".  It makes me wonder how many times people have taken a dr up on that offer, when their ending could have turned out like ours, worlds better than anyone possibly could have imagined.  That's a sobering thought.

Lots running through my mind lately, which seems appropriate I suppose.  Reflecting on the birth of my little baby boy, as we reflect on the birth of another baby all those years ago.....
Christmas seems to take on a new dimension each year as I get older.  I suppose growing up does that to you.  This year, I find myself more aware, more appreciative, more in awe.

It is wonderful.

Are you ready for another miracle?

Another...as if there haven't been enough?!

I am completely and totally blown away.  Overwhelmed in the most wonderful way.

This morning I received a phone call from a woman named Nancy.
Nancy is the Center Director for Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Chidren in Dallas Tx, and the National HPE Project Director.  This wonderful woman is the person who has supplied us with all sorts of research and information and the opportunities to connect with Holoprosencephaly researchers for evaluation of Sam's condition.  Not only has she been extremely helpful, she has been completely accessible, to the point that one of the times I emailed her and got the automated reply of "I will be out of the office until Friday", I *still* got a follow up personal email from her answering my questions within hours of sending the original email to her.  Totally unheard of.

Back to the phone call.
The phone rang, caller ID read "TX Scottish Rite", and suddenly I couldn't breathe.  I was almost too scared to answer the phone.  We had been told it would be 6-10 weeks to hear back on MRI evaulation by the research group, so we were hoping to hear back by the end of the  year.  I saw the caller ID and my first thought was "oh no-usually people hear back via email....is something really wrong?  Did they lose the scans?  Why would they call?"  I took a deep breath and answered.  It was Nancy.  She apologized for taking so long to get back with us about Sam's MRI.  All I could think was that this is weeks earlier than I anticipated, and honestly, I hadn't even thought about it for the last couple of weeks!  (could I really be learning patience after all?!)

Then those words came;  "The researchers have had a chance to review Samuel's MRI scans that you sent us."

Yes!  The moment we've been waiting for!  Was the prenatal diagnosis of semi-lobar correct?  The most recent guess of the less severe lobar HPE?  What is it?!

"After reviewing everything, well, Samuel doesn't have Holoprosencephaly."

What?

I squeaked out a "really?"
"Yes.  There are of course the enlarged ventricles, and the other things that it looks like you've been made aware of, the fused fornices and such, but there is no fusing there between the lobes that qualifies as Holoprosencephaly.  You will still be looking at challenges and delays from the other things, but all those things you worry about with HPE kids, you don't need to worry about those anymore.  This is your holiday gift this year!"

My holiday gift?  Wow, talk about an understatement!

Samuel does not have Holoprosencephaly.  Wow, it is surreal to say that!  Since 6 weeks before he was born, that has been his label.  He is 18wks old tomorrow.  That means that for 24weeks, that little label has been wrong.  The radiologists, neonatologists, neurologists.....all felt like they saw HPE.  And yet today we have been told that the leading researchers on this malformation, the ones that have perfected reading the scans of children with this condition are saying it isn't there.    If that's not a miracle, I don't know what is.

My little baby boy that was given a less than stellar chance at 18 weeks gestation, whose odds improved as his hydrocephalus stayed stable and he was given the diagnosis of HPE, but who was still given just a 60% chance of making it through his first month of life, is now 4 months old and thriving.  Thriving.

I am absolutely floored.

I haven't taken the time to blog the neurology appointment we had two weeks ago-hopefully I'll get to that soon.  There are other issues going on in his brain still. but to have this host of likely problems removed is amazing!  The shorter life span, lack of speech, severe physical impairments....wiped off the list for now.  Who knows how the Hydrocephalus will effect his brain, or what the added diagnosis of Rhombencephalosynapsis will mean.....  Today it's ok to not know.  Today it is more than enough that this adorable little creature snuggling in my arms has had one more challenge removed from his life.

4 months

4 months old

Four beautiful glorious amazing months!

13lbs and 13oz of pudgy squirmy happiness

He smiles when you make kissing noises, or call him by his new nickname "Noggin"

He giggles when you kiss his neck,

tickle him on his collarbone or his feet, and play peek-a-boo

His favorite new snack is his fingers

Just a hair shy from rolling from back to front

Working on sitting up,

doing fabulously at holding up that head

And fortunately, for all parties involved, sleeping much better

 Oh my sweet Sammy James, you make me smile

And the next injury goes to.....

Lincoln!

Come on down!

Actually, he already went down, thus the injury.

*head's up, there are pictures.  I don't think they are that bad, but if you are super squeamish, you might not want to see them*


Having done our last set of stitches while pretty darn pregnant and on a night when Aaron was at school (Charlotte's eye), the timing on this one was much better.

That sounds awful doesn't it?

"Sorry you have a hole in your head son, but your timing is great!  Thank you!"

Actually, the timing of it was rotten, but since he injured himself before the closest urgent care clinic closed for the evening and on a night when Aaron didn't have class, I will forgive him for that.

We did the prerequisite cold wet cloth on the head, laying down on the bathroom floor.  The kids are getting so proficient at this process that one of them had the cloth to his head and was steering him to the bathroom before I could even get to the scene.
As Lincoln was laying there I told him he had a pretty good cut.
He told me he wanted a band aid.
I told him he was probably going to get stitches.
He told me he wanted a band aid, not stitches.

Lincoln vs Treadmill

And somehow a balloon was also involved.
No, I can't elaborate on that.  I've learned not to ask too many questions.

A nice sized hole in the head, a peek at his skull.
(I'll spare you the pics of it pulled open)

7 stitches later he got his bandaid.  A Spiderman bandaid.

Which means those eyes are still smiling!

Right now

I'm sitting here nursing Sam, waiting for Dallin to get home.

I stink because I haven't showered yet today.  Well, actually I have showered, but mostly for the benefit of steaming out my head which starts the day throbbing with pressure thanks to this rockin' cold that I have.  After that shower, shuttling 5 kids out the door for school, nursing and changing Sam and getting Lincoln and Charli mostly presentable, we hurried out the door to a toning class for which we were 10 minutes late thanks to Sam's adjusting sleep schedulde and my lack of ability to haul my heiney out of bed at an early hour when I have a rockin' cold.
But I haven't showered after toning because I was going to come home and hop on the treadmill and bust out a few miles before I really shower and get dressed.
It's been two hours since then.
I still haven't made it to the treadmill.

I have made it through a load of dishes, a load of laundry, two loads of laundry folded, ordering (free!!!)  glasses online and snacks for Lincoln and Charli.
Sam took a short nap and then watched me do laundry, before he started fussing again because he wanted to eat.  Which puts me back here. Nursing Sam.

Still hoping to make it to the treadmill.

But I feel this desperate need to clean up when he finishes eating, because a very kind neighbor of ours who does furnace stuff is coming to clean our furnace.  He was here yesterday, arriving right after I got home from my eye appointment, to a house where kids had been fending for themselves without parental supervision.  Despite the pleading to clean up while I was at said appointment, well, I'm sure you can imagine how things looked when i got home.  In the kids defense, I told them that the most important thing to take care of was making sure that Charlotte didn't die/kill someone/burn the house down/draw on anything with a Sharpie, and they made sure none of those things happened.  Yay kids!
Anyway, said kind neighbor saw the house at it's finest.
And when I say "finest", I am being horribly sarcastic.  Just in case you didn't catch that.

Thinking I was being sneaky, I tossed stuff into my bedroom and the office and another room, not realizing that every vent in the house was being checked.  *sigh*  Brilliant on my part.  So Bill got to see the strung out mess and the hot spots.

Thus I feel the need to clean up at least a little so that he thinks that what he saw last night was the exception and not the rule.  Not sure why it matters.

I suppose it's good to be humbled?

So clean up, then treadmill, then shower.

Because I want a shower.  I need a shower.
Have I mentioned I have a cold that is rockin' my world?  And not in a good way.  My head might explode.

And while we are on the subject of showers, am I the only one irritated with the "I just don't have time to shower!" argument?  If you want a shower, take a shower.  Get up before your kids.  Take it during nap time.  Heck, shower at night after you put your kids to bed!  (because you should be putting your kids to bed before you go to bed.  Why do so many people not get this?)  Sure the occasional super crazy day happens and it's the afternoon before you realize you haven't showered yet, and yes, there will be days when you are so incredibly busy that you fall into bed when everything is finally done, too exhausted to get up and go shower, but this should not be the norm ladies!  For goodness sake, if you want a shower, make time for it.

And on a similar note, please get dressed when you go out in public.  This whole wearing jammies/slippers/sweats thing to go shopping...that's what online shopping is for people.  Put some clothes on.  I know it's just Walmart, but come on.  Yes, I will admit I've stopped at the store post some kind of event that had me stinking and wearing running clothes, so it's probably hypocritical of me to say that. But still, sweaty funky running gear is still not pajamas.  And even with the stink, at least it's not frumpy.

Who knew I had so much pent up angst going on today.  Such the shining example of how to lose friends and alienate people today, huh?
Maybe it's the giant zit right under my right nostril that makes constant nose blowing twice as irritating.  (have I mentioned I have a rockin' cold?)
Maybe it's just the cold.
Maybe it's that I need a shower.

Hmmm.....I see a theory evolving of strung out moms, showers, and wardrobe choices.....

But before I can attack that I need a shower.

After I hit the treadmill.

After I burp Sam, change another diaper, switch out the laundry, empty the dishwasher, get the kids lunch, and mop up the living room floor because Dallin brought home a plastic sack full of snow that happened to break open shortly after he stepped in the front door.

But first-I will forward today's Groupon deal for Pole-dancing classes to my cute friend Ashely.
Because inside jokes are second only to having good friends with which you have inside jokes.