Two years ago

It's crazy how it feels like two years have flown by, yet it feels like forever ago.

It was March 25th that we went in for an ultrasound.
Just a routine thing, something we've been through so many times before.
The crazy anticipation of "is it a boy or a girl?!" was already alleviated by an earlier ultrasound at 15 weeks.  I succombed and became one of those women I've always made fun of that goes to the mall for an ultrasound.
This ultrasound took a long time.  We chalked it up to the student.
It felt....off.  I chalked it up was because I had expected that baby to be a girl from the day that second line appeared and that I still hadn't adjusted to it being a boy.

I specifically remember at one point turning to Aaron and saying "well, no bright spots, that's good", as we've had a couple of little things that raised flags with a couple of other kids in the past.  Always very minor, always clearing up on their own as expected.  I think I was trying to break the awkward silence that dragged on for so long in that room.

I walked out feeling guilty that I wasn't excited and giddy the way I have been after some of my other ultrasounds.

Aaron went back to work, I drove home and stopped at a Chinese restaurant to get the egg rolls that I'd been craving for days.

I got home and took these pictures, to introduce #8 to the world.

As I was taking these pictures, the phone rang.  It was my midwife.  And the words that will echo in my head for the rest of my life.  "There's something wrong with your baby's brain".  She wanted to discuss things in person instead of over the phone.
I still get that nasty drop in the pit of my stomach when I recall that moment.

The days after that dragged on, eternally long.  The uncertainty was torturous some days.

Two years later I look back at the things I've learned.  About life, and about myself.

I look at this little miracle

and my heart leaps with joy for the blessing it is to be his mom.