When being "shiny, happy, hip" is a bad thing

I'm feeling a little put off today.   I usually keep my mouth shut, but today I'm going to speak. Because the irony is far too great.

If you use blogger you've seen the changes.  I'm still adjusting.

But I did find a nifty little section about where blog traffic comes from and where your audience is, without having to log into Google Analytics.
As I was perusing, I happened upon the little section that told me where people had linked to my blog from in the past week.  A handful came from one site that I'd never seen before, so of course I had to check it out.
This led me to a post from a little over a year ago  entitled "On being shiny, happy, hip".
"How flattering!" I thought...till I read the post. :/
Yes, I just used punctuation to create a face.
It was about NOT reading blogs that make you think destructive thoughts and feel not good enough.  Specifically about mine she said "I stumbled on the blog of this lovely lady, who has had 8 kids and looks better than I ever have. Cue me realizing that this was not a good blog for me to read."

Ouch!
I'm confused...would she have read my blog if I was overweight?  or if I had fewer kids?  or no kids?

The blog goes on to talk about how inferior all of these "perfect" blogs are making women feel.  That they aren't real.  Huh?  Specifically that "blogs are a carefully curated compendium of a person’s life, and things can be made to look as picture perfect...as the author wishes them to be."
Well, yeah.  (after looking up the definition of compendium...)  Anyone knows that, don't they?  But judging on a 30 second snippet?  Yep, that's fair for sure.

(if you visit that blog, be nice.  This is not a call to stir up hard feelings or defense in my behalf.  AND you're not allowed to visit it until you've read this whole post-especially the things at the very end.)

Can't shake the feeling that maybe if she would have actually read more than whatever post she landed on and seen the nitty gritty that gets posted, maybe she would have felt differently.

Ironically as I looked around her more recent posts...all I found was the shiny, happy, perfect.  Photography, new dresses, hip neighborhood.  Year in review info included style pieces featured on the front page and progess in (wait for it...) running.  Europe trip, photog tips, mom's retreats... What the?  And a cheese tasting board (from whole foods of course).
Really?

Not to mention the weight loss challenge, the fashion boards, and the travel section.

Wow.
You're right.  My life is totally glamorous.
You know, while I'm cleaning up poop from down the legs of my toddler's spica cast (1/2 a box of wipes today and another hour if you were interested.  And a big prayer that I got enough that he won't have skin problems down that leg where I can't reach).

While I'm mopping up 200 oz of laundry detergent.

While I'm digging suction discs out of my 5yr old's nose.

While I'm digging through a hamper trying to help my kid find clean underwear at 6am.

I know, I know-it was our exotic celebrations of our anniversaries in the past.
(that one is written by my husband.  You really should read that if you never have.)


Yeah...'cause that should definitely make you feel inferior after you've just returned from your road trip through Italy.  And your cooking club.  While you're planning your Thailand trip for this fall.

I'm baffled.

Also ironic-this subject actually came up recently in a conversation with Aaron.
Why do people not like me?   This isn't a "poor me!" pity party, I'm genuinely curious!  In high school people thought I was a snob because I was shy.  I was too afraid to step out of my comfort zone and people interpreted that as me snubbing them, when it was my insecurities holding me hostage.  I've made an effort to change that but still find myself fighting it some days.
Is it because I'm an optimist?  I thought looking on the bright side was a good thing?  Is it because I work my freaking hiney off to get back in shape after having babies?  (which wasn't always the case by the way-I learned the hard way.  And it takes sacrificing sleep, free time, and my favorite indulgences, it doesn't just happen.)  Does everyone need to see what I used to look like after 4 kids in 4yrs when I weighed only a few pounds less than I currently do at nearly 9mo pregnant?  I shared the one year of work with very plain post partum belly pictures from last time around.  Guess that wasn't good enough.
Is it because I have a happy marriage?  That takes work too folks-good marriages don't just happen.  Is it because I don't share every time one of my kids tells me they hate me?  Is it because I haven't shared a picture of my stretch marks?  Is it because we are genuinely happy with a date night that consists of Digiorno and Friends reruns?  (or is it just sad that that's actually one of our preferred date nights?)
What is it?  Here I felt like I was being real...

Here's the thing people.  We all have our priorities.  We have control over how we choose to spend our time and what's important to us.
I'm no fashionista, except the few times I've lucked out and worn other people's clothes for a photo shoot.  I don't travel, unless you count a road trip with 8 children to stay in a motel where the decor featured magazine cutouts in dollar store frames and a broken frog statue, or the generosity of parents in blessing my family with a couple of days at Disney.  I don't take fabulous pictures.  Well, except all those finger pics from my phone two weeks ago-I am pretty proud of those and the fact that they drove my husband crazy.
My priorities are being healthy and fit and setting that example for my kids.  Hanging out in the yard with them even though my floor is so dirty that a neighbor stopped by and actually said to me "if you ever need help with anything...anything at all....let me know.  Like, um, if you even want me to come over and sweep your floor..." (yes, she really did, and I still love her.  And I may take her up on that.)  Some days it's on getting a workout in even though I should be doing the ironing that piles up for weeks on end.  Some days it's spending time with my husband, and JUST my husband, even if it means putting my kids to bed an hour earlier.  And sometimes it's blogging even though I should be switching the laundry that's beeping at me.
Our priorities shift throughout our lives depending on so many things.  Some of them will never make sense to anyone but ourselves.

I know I shouldn't let one blog post bug me.  But you know what, it did.  Chalk it up to the pregnancy hormones if you want because I'm sure that's part of it.  When it really all comes down to the nitty gritty, I genuinely don't care what someone who knows nothing of me and has never met me thinks of me and my personal (non-professional, non-money making, few followers) blog that is more of a personal journal for me than anything.  Even if this whole rant makes it sound like I do.  There is too much on my to-do list today to spend anymore time dwelling on someone's thoughts from a year ago.  Although that to-do list does include finishing sewing the drapes for the family room and starting on my baby's blessing gown, which probably puts me right back into making people feel inferior again because I'm sewing.

I'll leave you with two things.
Two things that are worth your time, I promise.  And that I obviously need to hear again today as well.
(and if you have a few minutes, it's worth linking over and reading or watching to the whole thing on both of them, I promise.  In fact if you have time to watch, listening to them speak is the best!)

First,

"There are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those.

Furthermore, envy is a mistake that just keeps on giving. Obviously we suffer a little when some misfortune befalls us, but envy requires us to suffer all good fortune that befalls everyone we know! What a bright prospect that is—downing another quart of pickle juice every time anyone around you has a happy moment! To say nothing of the chagrin in the end, when we find that God really is both just and merciful, giving to all who stand with Him “all that he hath,”² as the scripture says. So lesson number one from the Lord’s vineyard: coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your self-image. So be kind, and be grateful that God is kind. It is a happy way to live.               -Jeffrey R Holland, found HERE

 and second, 

"This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”"                                          -Dieter F Uchtdorf, found HERE

Amen.

*ETA: I guess I wasn't completely done with this, or I'm a glutton for punishment.  I had to go and read all the comments on the post.  Interesting.  A lot of "if it's an issue, quit reading it" comments, and a number of "why do you care?" kind of comments too.  I did find a pleasant surprise that while a few others bemoaned me for being "so lucky" to look "like that" after 8 kids, and that my blog was unreadable, there were two that came to my defense and actually read a bit of my blog and pointed out that I posted plenty of not so shiny, happy things.  Much appreciated.